Round and round and round we go. Where it stops?

Unfortunately, nobody knows. Sometimes my "grief" hits me like a ton of bricks. I don't term it depression because generally I don't consider myself depressed. Generally, I'm the happiest, most upbeat person I know. But I have days and some days I have moments, literally moments, of overwhelming sadness that makes me want to break down in tears and immediately curl up into a ball and just sob, sob, sob. I've done mood stabilizers, anxiety meds, and even medications specifically for depression. They all make me feel numb and not like ME, so I've opted to struggle through the moments on my own. I hate the irrational part of me that can't just let things go. I despise the part of me that dwells on and on and on and on. Repeating the same worries and concerns over and over again. I hate that I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it because it seems so bothersome and over the top. I feel like the moments are farther between. I think I've been on this journey through the mountains and valleys long enough to at least be able to talk myself off of the cliff with reminders that "this too shall pass."

My more constant struggle lately is with resentment. Resentment for every other mother out there who has 2, 3, 4 beautiful children who entered this world unscathed and who hit all of their milestones and won't see the insides of an operating room until they suffer heart attacks or knee replacements in their 50s if ever. *facepalm* It's shocking, right? Revolting? Of course I wish no will ill to those sweet little faces that surround me. My resentment stems only from my own deep desire for normalcy. Yes, we have our own normalcy and things go along just fine. I'm learning to accept my life and be thankful for my part in the lives of those around me. That doesn't stop the occasional growing pain in this extremely overwhelming role of Mom that I have been given.

Even as I write this, the guilt of all of the other mamas I know out there who are struggling with bigger issues than I right now waves over me. I know, I know. This is the hand I've been dealt and it could be worse. I know. That doesn't stop my irrational mind from immediately yearning because I also see that it could be better or wandering off into a push/pull struggle of why me? why not me? why me? why not me?

Jax just passed 17 months and we have yet to hear his voice. This is turning into an irritatingly touchy subject for me. He's a baby, right? So it's COMPLETELY normal for him not to be speaking, right? That's what I keep hearing, yet the professionals in our lives are throwing red flags at us left and right. As hard as I try to squeeze the neck on that little devil anxiety (so hard that his head might just pop off), I can't get the nagging to stop. We have a speech evaluation in July and then a developmental evaluation with an autism screening in August. I'm talking myself off the mountain on a fairly consistent basis right now.

Somedays the world seems pretty unfair...today is one of those days.

SOLID

Once again, it's been entirely too long since I posted. I can't seem to find the time to journal anything happening in our lives. I was hopeful things would slow down after the holiday but the whirlwind continues. After watching my DVR'd episode of this week's Teen Mom 2 (I know, hush!), I found myself unable to sleep. I literally bawled through the entire episode. One of the teen moms is struggling with discovering her child has spinal issues and the episode, including her relationship with her boyfriend, was so similar to our experience that I couldn't help but feel that pain all over again. I wasn't too far past my teen years, at just past 22, when we had Colin.

It's so stark, so blinding, so devastating...to have your world turned upside down at such a young age. A brand new relationship BOOM a brand new pregnancy BOOM a brand new life BOOM a brand new home BOOM a brand new baby BOOM and CRASH somethings WRONG not just a little wrong but WAY WRONG -- and then you spiral. I remember feeling at times like Alice in Wonderland falling down the hole filled with all the crap and unable to tell which side was up. To be honest, I still have days like that. I have never in my life felt so alone as I did the day we discovered something was way wrong. Standing in the middle of the living room, all I heard was "vertebral anomalies and spinal cord compromise" and dropped to the floor. I didn't even ask any questions...stunned. I listened to the instructions for picking up his chart and hung up the phone with only "okay" for a response. I sat there FOREVER in the middle of the floor in a shocked heap, energy zapped.

There is no way to prepare for that moment but at 22 I was beyond unprepared. My whole world had been turned upside down but through my pregnancy I was certain of one thing, I was going to be a mother to a healthy baby. I never questioned his health, not once. CRASH You can't prepare for that.

As I lay there beside Jeremy crying tonight, I have never been so thankful. Our journey together has been a very bumpy, difficult, and trying one, but we are a solid, uniform, strong, and able structure now. Just like the episode said, we are the strongest people our children know. In their eyes, we can conquer anything life hands us. It has taken work and dedication to each other. We have grown together as we grew up together. Life threw us together with the loudest BOOM possible and CRASH, we fell, but we picked each other up, time and time again, and are now carrying above us 3 amazing lives in strong, supportive arms. SOLID, we are SOLID. The strongest people they know.

Give thanks for your life and the people in it.

I am 20 days behind in my thanksgiving. I just can't seem to find the time to get on here and post. Here we go...

8. I am thankful for our wonderful network of doctors, although I dread each and every visit. I am thankful that their skilled eyes see things I don't. I am thankful that they are so cautious with my children and leave no stone unturned. They have caught issues early on and saved us from more difficult battles. I am thankful especially for our pediatricians who treat my children like their own and rejoice in the wonders we experience and offer sincerest understanding when appointments bring me to tears or rise anger in me. I am thankful for their weekend calls and constant guardianship.

9. I am thankful for my mother. I am thankful for the person she created in me. I am thankful for the friend she has become. She listens, she aches, she cheers, and sometimes she knows just what I need. For my mother, I am grateful. I'd be lost without her in my life. She has shown me true and unconditional love. She has shown me what support is and helped me march on many times when I was sure I couldn't or wouldn't take another step. She is my perfect mother and I am thankful for her life.

10. I am thankful for my sweet, sweet Colin. He has taught me that there is so much more to life than who you know and what you own. I am thankful for his life. I am thankful for every moment I have had with him and the many more to come. I am thankful for the wonderful young man he has become. I am thankful for the joy he brings me with his always open heart. I am thankful for every moment of joy he has brought me. I am thankful that he made me a mom. What a blessing that is. I am thankful for his life.

11. My father. I am thankful for my father. I am thankful that I was given a strong, determined man to call my dad. I am thankful for the time he carves out of his life to be a mentor to my son. I am thankful for the joys he has provided in both my life and the lives of my children. I am thankful for everything he has given me including my strong desire to succeed, to be something important, to do more and to never stop trying. I am thankful for his life.

12. I am thankful for my husband and our marriage. I know I already mentioned my thankfulness for this man, but it is worthy of secondary gratefulness. I am thankful that he has forgiven me time and time again. I am thankful that he is willing to deal with me and my insanity time and time again. I am thankful that he never fails to just listen. I am thankful that this very difficult road, which could have led us to very unhappy places, has ultimately brought us closer together. I am thankful for my husband, my best friend, the father of my children. I am thankful for his life.

13. I am thankful for my Jaxen. I am thankful for this boy who brings me only smiles. I am thankful for the moments I have shared with him and for the joy he brings our entire family. He is the icing on the cake and the cherry on top. He is proof that even when you think life can't be any fuller...it absolutely can. He is joy in its purest form. He is happiness, light, love, and laughter. I am thankful for his life.

14. I am thankful for my Sherri, my oldest sister, my confident. I am thankful that she can finish my sentences and I hers. I am thankful that she knows how I work. I am thankful that she takes what I see as my flaws and points them out to me as blessings. I am thankful that I've watched us grow closer together as we've grown into better women over the last decade. I am thankful for her life.

15. I am thankful for Natalie, my closest, dearest friend. I'm thankful that we've never argued or shared a hurtful word. I am thankful that I can rely on, cry on, and cheer with this wonderful person I call my very best friend. I am thankful that she came to me out of nowhere when I probably needed her most and has walked nearly every step of my life in the last 10 years with me via phone. I am thankful that she never gets annoyed at listening to my same woes OVER and OVER again and is able to laugh with me when laughing seems like the craziest thing to do. I am thankful for her life.

16. I am thankful for my mother-in-law. I know, you're not supposed to "LIKE" your mother-in-law, right? Well, I don't like mine, I love her. I am thankful for every single thing she has done for me and her son and her babies from the day we each entered her life. I am thankful that she never criticizes and always supports. I am thankful for her life.

17. I am thankful for the grandparents up the road who have become mine. Time and time again, they have become our biggest supporters. I can't imagine a life without them. They have taught me what it means to be giving and unconditionally loving. They have taught me what it means to have a true extended family. I am thankful for them as role models in not only my life but in the lives of my children. I am thankful for their lives.

18. I am thankful for my girl. I am thankful for my only girl. She has shown me what it means to "be yourself." I am thankful for the deep love she shares with me for her father. She loves him for all the same reasons I do and I am thankful to share that with her. I am thankful for her strength and need to be first in everything she does. I am thankful for her laughter. I am thankful for her life.

19. I am thankful for each sole who has walked down this road of 32 years with me. Although I have only mentioned those closest to me in every day here, I am thankful for each and every person who has shared this life with me. Life is not about where you have been but who was there with you, and I have been blessed with by amazing soles every step of the way. I am thankful for each and every life who has made an impression on mine. I am thankful for your lives.

20. My life is honestly nothing like I envisioned it as a young girl. My fantasies were so big, so ideal, so perfect. I am thankful for my imperfect, wonky, and sometimes very difficult life. I can also honestly say that it this is a very hard thing for me to give thanks for, because inside that little girl wishes she were living her dream and that things were big and ideal and absolutely perfect. But, I must remind myself that the imperfections that have presented themselves from the time I began to grow from a child into the woman that I am have made me this person. If things were BIG and ideal and PERFECT, I'm pretty sure I'd be boring, trite, and selfish. I am thankful for my life even though sometimes it's a very difficult life to live. I am thankful for my life.

Give thanks!

Give thanks even when you're miserable.

Having one of those days. I have no reason to be miserable, yet I am. Not just slightly cranky but downright miserable. Today is one of those days where I find I must open my mouth with caution because, intended or not, everything that comes forth is full of contempt. I had planned to post my thanks for the last 4 days today but avoided it for the better part of the day because of my miserability. (How's that for the word of the day?!?) Then it dawned on me that there's no better day to give thanks than this one while I'm living inside of this very miserable me.

4. I am thankful for time with friends. These moments are few and far between for various reasons. The first reason being that the majority have long ago moved away and the second being my lack of time and motivation to coordinate time without my children. Sad, I know. But last night, Jeremy stayed home with the kids so that I could spend some very much needed time with friends. I am very thankful for this and yet I'm still cranky.

5. I am thankful for my children. I am thankful for my children. I am thankful for my children even when they cry, fight, scream, and yell. I am thankful for my children when they wake up at 5:30 in the morning. I am thankful for my children when they can't find a way to get along and struggle to be kind to each other. I am thankful for my children when they manage to destroy everything they touch and cry at the drop of a block. I am thankful for my children when they can't listen and are full of attitude. Despite all, I am thankful for my children because I know the moments of joy outweigh these days of struggle.

6. I am thankful for my tasks. I am thankful for the dishes, laundry, and dirty floors because they represent a house full of people to love. I am thankful for the dust that settles on my furniture at alarmingly rapid rates because it represents the beautiful dirt lane leading to the wonderfully charming house nestled in the hollow on the land we call home. I am thankful for the dogs who lead to the need to vacuum on a way too constant basis. I am thankful for my never-ending tasks because my life would be less full without the amazing creatures who trail this mess behind them.

7. I am thankful for me. Today, I am thankful for me. I am thankful for the person I've become. I am thankful for the mother that I am. I am thankful that I am kind, giving, thoughtful, loving, caring, considerate, intelligent, and creative even though today, I am miserable. I am thankful for miserable me.

Give thanks.

Give thanks.

So, I'm starting a few days late, but everyday this month I'm going to give thanks for something in my life.

1. Rest. After 10 months, Jaxen slept through the night last night. A few weeks ago, we eliminated Chloe's naps and she too is sleeping better and more soundly. I have gotten good sleep for days in a row. Today, I am thankful for rest. (Although secretly I'm missing having one or both of them in bed with me at some point in the night. shhh!)

2. Calm. I am thankful that my life has reached a point where, for the most part, it flows like a steady river. No raging rapids and no emotional rollercoasters. I'm thankful for predictable calm.

3. Jeremy. Without my wonderful husband and his dedication to me and our children, I would not have #1 and #2. I am thankful to no longer be working so that I can dedicate my time to taking care of my family fully while remaining stable, calm, and rested.

Give thanks.

Chudder and His Brudder Butter

Chloe has always had her own little language. She was slow to start with only 1 word at a year and when she did get going she started speaking her own little language that we refer to as "Chloese." She intermingles correct words improperly into everyday conversations that bring us to tears with laughter. For example, polka dots were polka nuts for a while. Once, she was very adamant that she couldn't wear her "soup (suit) into the freckles (sprinkler) with her see-saws (sandles) because they will make mustards (blisters)." Her speech has gotten better but she often reverts to Chloese. Most recently, I've been attending yogurt (yoga) class.

Jeremy and I were having a very vivid discussion that I expect most couples have every now and again. The whole wife thinks husband is not doing enough discussion when said wife is overwhelmed and breaks down. I came from a single-parent home and disagreements were not a part of my earlier years as my parents divorced when I was very young. As a result, I suck with confrontational situations. I avoid them; I don't resolve them well; they make me anxious. As a result of this, Jeremy and I have never carried on our adult discussions behind closed doors, especially in relation to household activities. I think it's crucial for our kids to see that we can "discuss," resolve, and move on all while proving that you can disagree and still love each other. That being said, we were having a "discussion," which mostly consisted of me melting down and crying about being featured on an upcoming episode of "Hoarders," while Jeremy cautiously agreed with me that we needed to do more even though he thought he was clearly doing enough...which he is. I'm just a tad psycho due to exhaustion.

To which Chloe shouts out "be nice to Chudder" and Jeremy responds "Who's Chudder?" To which I giggle "You know Chudder," pointing to Colin,


"and his other brudder, Butter," pointing to Jaxen, sending us all into a fit of laughter, except of course Chloe who is never amused by the jaunting. Poor girl. I love Chloese. I know the days are limited until it completely disappears and is replaced by well-spoken English.

Contentment in Chaos

The Clan has exploded and in trying to catch the pieces, I've neglected my blog. Baby Jax entered the world just short of 9 months ago and the pregnancy and days and then months following have been shear chaos. I love having him in my life; I'm still adjusting to the chaos that 3 children bring to our home. Jax, of course, like Colin and Chloe has reflux. With each child, it's gotten worse and his is by far the worst. Prevacid in the morning and Zantac at night and rice in the bottles and still it persists. It's been a long, sleepless 9 months. He is the chubbiest baby I can honestly say I have EVER seen. I love every roll. Colin and Chloe are as in love with him as Jeremy and I are. It's been amazing to watch this beastly bundle of joy bring our family closer together than I ever thought possible. He is our heart and our sun and makes us all smile constantly. The times that Colin and Chloe have announced that they are so glad we have "bubba" are numerous and it overjoys my heart. I'm so thankful for him.

So...my house is a wreck, I've only dried my hair a total of 3 times in 9 months, we're all running on less sleep, and we're blissfully happy. I can honestly say through the exhaustion, I've never been happier. I think the Clan is complete.

2 weeks to countdown!

Can't believe it's already time!!! Although we don't close on our house until May 9th, we've decided to move on the April 26 and 27. Jeremy's work schedule goes a little haywire after that, so we want to allow ourselves enough time to get things cleaned and finalized before closing. We are stripping wallpaper and painting and packing. The kids are loving the freedom of our new house. So much space and no worries. It really is wonderful that they can just run free. I can't wait until the first nice morning we wake there and I can usher them outside at the crack of dawn. There is so much to do and so little time and I'm trying to have faith that it will all come together. It always does!

Cyclical

My life is cyclical in regard to my emotions. I tend to go through serious bouts of depression periodically which directly correlate with Colin's 6 month check-ups. It was termed at one point by a doctor along the way as chronic grief. Before the next series of appointments, I can't seem to keep myself from panicking about the possibilities of what they might find. The routine appointments are absolutely necessary. They are the only way to catch something ugly before it gets too ugly and yet everything in me seems to avoid making them. I actually avoided making them earlier on in the year because "we had too much going on." I'm confessing here and now that the truth of the matter is that I wasn't ready to deal with the emotions that sweep over me. Partially because, indeed, we have too much going on and I didn't want to feel the way I have been with everything else happening at the same time. I could see the train wreck ahead. The whole thing backfired. I've spent the past 2 weeks fighting back tears daily, which I KNOW is ridiculous. I can try and convince myself of this as much as I want; it does not matter. The sadness and frustration will remain...for weeks, perhaps months. Sleepless nights, headaches, guilt, anger... I also find myself avoiding talking about it. I feel ridiculous. He's a great kid. There's nothing wrong. Everything is always fine, I say. The emotions remain. Usually I schedule far enough in advance that his appointments are bam-bam-bam right in a row. In this instance, they'll be spread from now until June. And today begins the countdown to our move 30 days left. This round of emotions have been exceptionally overwhelming.l. I wish I could put a stick in the wheel and stop the spinning...find a way to jam the process.

We sold this house!!!

In 11 days! We are thrilled and feeling very thankful! We accepted our first offer yesterday of only $3,000 less than our asking price and cannot believe that things happened so quickly, especially with the way the market is right now. We will close on May 8 and have a lot of packing to do here and painting to do at the new house, but we couldn't be happier. Jeremy asked me more than once yesterday what we were missing because it was all too great!!

Our home on Chestnut Street will be greatly missed. It holds a ton of memories, but we're ready for the next chapter in this novel.

Really...that long!

Has it really been that long since I posted!?! Wow. Life for the Carnahan's has been a little crazy to say the least. We celebrated Chloe's 2nd birthday, I underwent a schlew of medical tests (the results of which I'll recieve at an appointment today), the kids and I headed to Illinois to visit family for Thanksgiving, I spent a long weekend in South Beach Miami with friends, we are preparing to sell our house in February to return to "country" living, and we haven't done a lick of Christmas shopping. That's life in a nut shell. Things are going really well. I cannot believe how quickly this year has flown by...somewhere in the beginning of 2007 I said that I felt like this was going to be our year and without a doubt it has. The kids are both doing really well. This is the most stable I have felt in a long time. I suppose that has led to the lack of posts...everything seems to be coming up roses for the most part. Somebody pinch me. Kidding! I'm just relishing in the loveliness of my life...it's busy but momentarily wonderful and I'm counting my blessings. A friend shared a saying with me a few days ago that I've been rolling around since then...Love the life you live. Do I ever.

Biliary dyskenisia.

Is what I have. My gallbladder is not working like it should or something and so my liver isn't processing things like it should and they are sending me to a general surgeon - I'm assuming to have it removed - who can't see me until Nov. 6. I'm going back to the doctor tomorrow in the meantime to figure out how to get through until surgery. Today is a bad day...the only solution to avoiding pain is not eating right now. Hopefully it will subside soon.

An unexpected slow down.

I haven't been feeling well for the past month now and it turns out that my gallbladder has decided it needs to take life a little easier. It's working, just slowly and I have yet to discover what that means for its future. Apparently, since turning 30, my body has decided to start acting older. Life has been just as busy as usual and I've been working hard at just trying to keep up. For this girl that goes nonstop, this slowing of the insides has been bringing me to a crawl and I'm frustrated more than anything. I'm just plain tired. It's one thing when life slows down. It's another when you slow down and life just keeps going. Unfortunately, I have pushed some of the nonessential items to the side in order to keep things going, such as posting here.

On to some updates.

Colin lost his dear Philbert a few weeks ago and we dealt with the devastation of losing something so loved. We have since aquired 2 new turtle friends who have yet to be named. We are waiting to discover whether they are male or female which won't happen until they are a little bigger. It turns out, after a discussion with the store owner who sold us the turtle, that Philbert was indeed a Phyllis.

Colin also had an appointment earlier in the month with the Craniofacial team which was very promising. The asymmetry in his face seems to have slowed. He is currently at a 7-8 degree difference, which is actually rather minimal in the whole big picture. His upper palate is still too small to accommodate his teeth and will have to be expanded. If he loses more teeth in the next 6 months, he will have the expander placed. If not, we will wait things out another year. The Singulair has been so helpful for him. No more coughing fits, although we had to fight for weeks with insurance to get them to cough up payment.

Insurance, insurance, insurance...we just recently discovered that Jeremy still has coverage with his past insurance...long ridiculous story in which the blame mostly lies in our lap but nonetheless our newest insurance has retracted all payments since January and we are now fighting to get things resubmitted and taken care of as well as removed from our credit history. Thank goodness for insurance, but it is really draining me these days.

Chloe is fantastic. She was evaluated for her speech and is average, which is a relief. My child is average. It is such a shame that we, as parents, constantly fall into the trap of comparing our children. We compare them to each other and with their cousins and others in their peer groups. It really is terrible. Colin talked late but took off as soon as he begin. I have spent the past 6 months trying to figure out what was "wrong" with her. I am now forcing myself to drop the issue. She is fine. She is better than fine. She is a sweet genious without a voice. It'll come to her. I just need to give her the space to find it. She is still as in control of this house as ever, but she makes us all laugh daily. She really is a joy.

So, minus the gallbladder and the unexpected crawl my body has forced me into, life is good.

A Boy's Weekend.

Amusement park, baseball game, power plant...it was a boy's weekend. Last Saturday Jeremy's employer sponsored a day at Lakemont Park and the Altoona Curve. We decided to leave Chloe at my mom's to spend the day with Colin. It was his first real-deal baseball game and he had a blast...double-header and all. After a full day of roller coasters and waterslides, we had all intentions of leaving before the end of the 2nd game...he would have none of it, and I quote "what's the point of watching if you don't know how it ends." True, true.



Sunday, Jeremy made arrangements for Colin to tour the plant with him. It was his day off and Colin's always been really interested in seeing what Daddy does. So he put on his "work clothes" and all of his gear, including a belt to hold his flashlight and new boots bought specifically for the occasion. As he was waiting for Jeremy to finish getting ready, he sat back on the couch, crossed his arms behind his head and propped his feet, boots and all mind you, on my coffee table, and I quote "I look just like my Dad, huh?" Yes, yes you do.

The day included a tour of the plant, candy, "driving the bulldozer," and $5 in pay from Jeremy's boss. Needless to say, he came back covered in coal and happy as a clam...what's not to love about 4 hours at a power plant with a bunch of dirty men. I have my own thoughts on that.


As Colin was removing his play clothes to don his work clothes...Chloe decided she was going to work too. She demanded that I help put his shorts and t-shirt on her. Funniest part, other than the stubby little-person look it gave her, was that the shorts fit around her waist without issue. She cried so hard when they left her behind, poor baby, and refused to take the clothes off the rest of the afternoon. She even wore them for naptime.

California dreaming...and soaring...

I have been blessed in my life through my father's fortune and hard work. His life in the Army led him to a variety of different places and my sisters, brother and I were fortunate enough to get to share experience things and see places most people spend a lifetime dreaming about -- summers sailing on the ocean, afternoons swimming under waterfalls in Panama, romping on black-sand beaches and playing with monkeys and the typical summer fun of amusement parks and museums. This summer I saw in Colin's eyes the way I used to feel when visiting my father. Amazement at experiences in a life that feels unlike your own. My father's hard work post-military retirement has enabled him to live a comfortable life in California and, like any good grandpa, he was more than generous with opportunities while we visited.


Our flight arrived on Friday evening. After attempting to locate a piece of lost luggage (to no avail) we hopped on my Dad's plane (he reaffirmed his pilot's license a few years back) and flew (see pilot Chloe above) to his weekend home in Mendicino County. It was so nice there (see the view below). Some of the most beautiful beaches I've ever seen. It was so nice to watch Colin and my nephew Tanner (below as well). The joy of being on those beaches and with each other and their Grandpa (who, of course, is the best of all grandpas).







Chloe actually ran a fever for the first 4 days but by the time we headed back to my Dad's house in the Bay area, she started to come around...a virus of sorts the emergency room doctor told me. It never fails...emergency room on vacation. We haven't been on a vacation since our honeymoon that didn't require a trip to the emergency room. A few years ago...we made 2 trips. I think a lot of her sickness was brought on from missing daddy and "home." She spoke her first sentence while there: "Daddy at home." Well, it was a little more like "Daee ah ome."

Wednesday, we flew to Disneyland for the day...yes, I said flew. Amazing. The boys had so much fun and Chloe got to spend the day being spoiled by her Grandma. It was on of the most fun days I have had in a long time and Colin can still talk for a good 40 minutes straight about it. It was unbelievable. Flying to Disney for the day...who does that?


The week also consisted of a whole lot of great food, a good bit of nice wine (not for the kids of course), Go-Carts, mini-golf, Chuck E. Cheese, a place called the Jungle, which is like Chuck E. Cheese on overload, and more McDonald's and Burger King than my child should ever see in a week. I also got the chance to hang out with Rachel, my bestest ever of friends for an evening. She recently moved to Treasure Island and is so close to my Dad. It was soooo nice.

To top it off, my dad and his wife recently added a new member to their family, a toy fox terrior named UV...I thought Colin might try to sneak her into a suitcase to bring her home. He is so in love. (Notice the matching shirts below.)


I count the blessings in my life daily. I have been blessed richly and experiences like our week in California leave me in awe wondering how it came to be that this is my life. My kids are blessed to experience all of these wonderful things and I am so thrilled that they have been given the opportunity! I am so happy with what I have and even more so...who I have. Thanks, Daddy!

Happy Birthday, Jeremy!

From here on out...29 forever, right?!? Love you much.

My Two at the Zoo.

Colin's favorite was of course the aquarium. He loved the shark tank especially. He loved it all though. Surprise, surprise. He is as obsessed as always with animials. Chloe was relatively unimpressed by all of it. She was more excited about her Capri Sun and cookies...the elephants got an "ooh" and she squealed at a few fish, but otherwise, she was just along for the ride.

What a start to summer.

Jeremy hasn't been feeling well. Colin has something going on again...cough, stuffiness...allergies/infection/cold...I don't know. Chloe is cutting her 7th tooth, which we are thrilled about (starting to wonder if she might not get anymore), yet she is miserable and I think might have some of what her Dad had earlier in the week. Not exactly the start to summer we had hoped for. Oh, well, either way...it's here I suppose. They all just better suck it up. I have my beach gear ready. :) kidding, of course.

Time for summer!

Quote of the Day.

"I'm like a dandelion, jack. You can cut me down; I'll just grow right back." - Kid Rock

This song randomly loaded on my ipod from Jeremy's music list, and I ended up listening to it today while I was walking. That's how I feel right now. Amazing how different things are this year...I think this is our year. Things are going so well. Remind me of how I feel right now if things change later on, kay?

Once the bad times pass, they really are just a distant memory. No matter how rough anything seems, once it gets better, the pain of it all fades quickly. Hard to see when you're mucking through it, but it's great to reflect after the fact.

All smiles here.