Jaxen on the Move!

Jaxen on the move.
Originally uploaded by momofcolin_chloe

We're on the go folks. He doesn't move to fast unless he's after his train. Anytime you get it started he goes after it. Tons of fun!

Chudder and His Brudder Butter

Chloe has always had her own little language. She was slow to start with only 1 word at a year and when she did get going she started speaking her own little language that we refer to as "Chloese." She intermingles correct words improperly into everyday conversations that bring us to tears with laughter. For example, polka dots were polka nuts for a while. Once, she was very adamant that she couldn't wear her "soup (suit) into the freckles (sprinkler) with her see-saws (sandles) because they will make mustards (blisters)." Her speech has gotten better but she often reverts to Chloese. Most recently, I've been attending yogurt (yoga) class.

Jeremy and I were having a very vivid discussion that I expect most couples have every now and again. The whole wife thinks husband is not doing enough discussion when said wife is overwhelmed and breaks down. I came from a single-parent home and disagreements were not a part of my earlier years as my parents divorced when I was very young. As a result, I suck with confrontational situations. I avoid them; I don't resolve them well; they make me anxious. As a result of this, Jeremy and I have never carried on our adult discussions behind closed doors, especially in relation to household activities. I think it's crucial for our kids to see that we can "discuss," resolve, and move on all while proving that you can disagree and still love each other. That being said, we were having a "discussion," which mostly consisted of me melting down and crying about being featured on an upcoming episode of "Hoarders," while Jeremy cautiously agreed with me that we needed to do more even though he thought he was clearly doing enough...which he is. I'm just a tad psycho due to exhaustion.

To which Chloe shouts out "be nice to Chudder" and Jeremy responds "Who's Chudder?" To which I giggle "You know Chudder," pointing to Colin,


"and his other brudder, Butter," pointing to Jaxen, sending us all into a fit of laughter, except of course Chloe who is never amused by the jaunting. Poor girl. I love Chloese. I know the days are limited until it completely disappears and is replaced by well-spoken English.

What's Wrong?

First, let's discuss what's wrong with me blogging at 3:45 a.m. Many things. Insomnia seems to be the newest method by which my body likes to torture itself. So alas, after lying in bed for hours, I just give up. The first few hours come easily and then upon Jaxen's late night rendezvous, which usually begins around 1-2 a.m., I lie in bed thinking, tossing, and turning.

Tonight's thoughts revolved around a conversation I had with another mom. For the full picture, we have to flashback. Are you ready? Ten years ago, I was given this beautiful baby boy. Ten years ago I was thrilled to have him in my life. As odd as it may seem, Jeremy and I never really questioned Colin's health upon his birth. Shocking, I know. But we had been given this little man and he was ours and he was simply better than ANYTHING we had ever thought possible. He was perfect. Simply perfect. It wasn't until we started noticing small developmental issues like not holding himself upright well and eating and digestive issues that we questioned anything. Still, on more than one occasion as I walked through a store or sat waiting in line with him somewhere, another person would question me asking "what's wrong with him?" My response: "NOTHING." Simply put, he is perfect. He was perfect, he is perfect. He is Colin. Simply put. I refuse to answer that question with anything more.

So recently, Colin, after quite a long time of having his hair long, which hid the ear he has had reconstructed, decided to go short again. Mind you, the hair was not long for this purpose; he simply liked the style. Of course, the new cut inevitably put his most noticeable difference on more prominent display. I admit, I was nervous about the return to school for him. Not that the long hair kept him from having to deal with his issues, but I was sure that it helped alleviate the frequency of curiosity from the other kids. He returned home shortly after school began confirming my suspicions. "Everyone's asking me what happened to my ear," he says. "And what do you say," I ask. "Nothing." At first, I thought he meant he didn't respond to the question. To which I giggled and responded that curiosity would cause them to continue to ask, especially if he didn't respond. To which he promptly assured me, "No, I say NOTHING." To which I giggled again and responded "well, they still may continue to ask," and he asked why. I tried to equate it to another kid coming into school the next day with a broken leg being asked the same question and responding in the same manner. (I know, TERRIBLE comparison, but I'm doing my best here...it's a learning curve.) I said, "even if he said nothing, you would still be curious because, clearly, something happened, so you might continue to ask." Colin responded "no, I wouldn't. I would assume that if he said nothing he didn't want to talk about it and wouldn't ask again." Smart boy.

So, back to the conversation I had with the other mother today. At the start of boy scouts this week, the short hair brought on some similar conversations with some of the cubbies who don't attend Colin's school, and another mother shared the conversation she overheard. One of the boys asked Colin "what's wrong with your ear?" Colin's response: "What's wrong with your face?"

Okay, so I won't openly condone that retort in conversation with him. I silently cheered. Inside, I was jumping up and down and shaking my pom-poms. It's simply wrong to ask what is WRONG with a person who has a difference. Differences aren't WRONG. In anticipation of the difficult adolescent years, I have clearly not given this child the credit he deserves. I think I've been worrying about a whole lot of something that is clearly, NOTHING.

Quote of the Day

“We never know what is enough until we know what's more than enough.” Billie Holiday.

Contentment in Chaos

The Clan has exploded and in trying to catch the pieces, I've neglected my blog. Baby Jax entered the world just short of 9 months ago and the pregnancy and days and then months following have been shear chaos. I love having him in my life; I'm still adjusting to the chaos that 3 children bring to our home. Jax, of course, like Colin and Chloe has reflux. With each child, it's gotten worse and his is by far the worst. Prevacid in the morning and Zantac at night and rice in the bottles and still it persists. It's been a long, sleepless 9 months. He is the chubbiest baby I can honestly say I have EVER seen. I love every roll. Colin and Chloe are as in love with him as Jeremy and I are. It's been amazing to watch this beastly bundle of joy bring our family closer together than I ever thought possible. He is our heart and our sun and makes us all smile constantly. The times that Colin and Chloe have announced that they are so glad we have "bubba" are numerous and it overjoys my heart. I'm so thankful for him.

So...my house is a wreck, I've only dried my hair a total of 3 times in 9 months, we're all running on less sleep, and we're blissfully happy. I can honestly say through the exhaustion, I've never been happier. I think the Clan is complete.

20/20

We were so off. We really felt like Colin's vision had changed drastically but the doc says nope! YAH! Still 20/20. We were prepping him for glasses just in case and he was actually disappointed that he wasn't getting them!! I'm, of course, thrilled for him. Well, I suppose it's safe to say that not eating carrots hasn't affected him.

Celebration!!! Today is the day...

You turn 8!! I feel happier today than I have on any other birthday. Each year my love for you grows and gives me more reason to celebrate your life! You have given me more than I ever could have imagined. I'm watching you turn into a pre-teen already. Full of opinions (which you are more than willing to share) and already you are more than willing to lock yourself in your room with the tv. Too bad you haven't figured out that the older you get the more you are supposed to enjoy sleep! The older you get, the more the reality sets in that you will be grown and gone one day. I can't imagine a day without you in my house. Thank goodness you're not to old to crawl into my lap or cuddle. I am proud of who you are becoming (even the strong-headed parts of you that like to debate with me about EVERYTHING!). You are strong in heart and mind. A helper, a pleaser, a friend, and a wonderful brother and son. I love you, my boy!! Your momma!

2 weeks to countdown!

Can't believe it's already time!!! Although we don't close on our house until May 9th, we've decided to move on the April 26 and 27. Jeremy's work schedule goes a little haywire after that, so we want to allow ourselves enough time to get things cleaned and finalized before closing. We are stripping wallpaper and painting and packing. The kids are loving the freedom of our new house. So much space and no worries. It really is wonderful that they can just run free. I can't wait until the first nice morning we wake there and I can usher them outside at the crack of dawn. There is so much to do and so little time and I'm trying to have faith that it will all come together. It always does!

My theory on housework is...

...if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

~Erma Bombeck

I will constantly be reminding myself of this one over the course of the next few months.

A Curve is a Curve...

No change whatsoever. Things are holding...and we'll hold for another 6 months until the next appointment. Sighs of relief for things staying the same.

The kids and I had a great trip. Parking wasn't impossible to come by, so we breezed right in. Got to the doc's office and there was no one in the waiting room because of the horrendous parking, claimed the receptionist. Really?!? We were there less than an hour and made it home at a decent hour for dinner when we ordinarily would have been caught in rush hour traffic. Golden. Chloe was playful and pleasant thanks to an unexpected snooze in the back seat and Colin was thrilled to be out of school early.

Three cheers for a low stress day.

Cyclical

My life is cyclical in regard to my emotions. I tend to go through serious bouts of depression periodically which directly correlate with Colin's 6 month check-ups. It was termed at one point by a doctor along the way as chronic grief. Before the next series of appointments, I can't seem to keep myself from panicking about the possibilities of what they might find. The routine appointments are absolutely necessary. They are the only way to catch something ugly before it gets too ugly and yet everything in me seems to avoid making them. I actually avoided making them earlier on in the year because "we had too much going on." I'm confessing here and now that the truth of the matter is that I wasn't ready to deal with the emotions that sweep over me. Partially because, indeed, we have too much going on and I didn't want to feel the way I have been with everything else happening at the same time. I could see the train wreck ahead. The whole thing backfired. I've spent the past 2 weeks fighting back tears daily, which I KNOW is ridiculous. I can try and convince myself of this as much as I want; it does not matter. The sadness and frustration will remain...for weeks, perhaps months. Sleepless nights, headaches, guilt, anger... I also find myself avoiding talking about it. I feel ridiculous. He's a great kid. There's nothing wrong. Everything is always fine, I say. The emotions remain. Usually I schedule far enough in advance that his appointments are bam-bam-bam right in a row. In this instance, they'll be spread from now until June. And today begins the countdown to our move 30 days left. This round of emotions have been exceptionally overwhelming.l. I wish I could put a stick in the wheel and stop the spinning...find a way to jam the process.

We sold this house!!!

In 11 days! We are thrilled and feeling very thankful! We accepted our first offer yesterday of only $3,000 less than our asking price and cannot believe that things happened so quickly, especially with the way the market is right now. We will close on May 8 and have a lot of packing to do here and painting to do at the new house, but we couldn't be happier. Jeremy asked me more than once yesterday what we were missing because it was all too great!!

Our home on Chestnut Street will be greatly missed. It holds a ton of memories, but we're ready for the next chapter in this novel.

Hope your New Year is filled...

...with dreams as big as castles that are filled with sweet fairy dust!!!



These are two of the favorite gifts from Christmas. A set of blocks from Grandpa Helsing that will allow our boy with the neverending imagination to build just about anything his heart desires and a fairy outfit (and tent) from Great Grammie Ferra that is our little diva's heart's desire.

Wishing you all the best in the New Year!

Merry Christmas!

From our house to yours!

My boy can't wait.

Today we celebrate a year surgery free. We canceled a surgery that was scheduled for this past Monday. It wasn't critical...it can wait...this Christmas we will celebrate without bandages and pain meds. It can wait because my boy can't. He's growing up and he deserves to remember a Christmas that includes Santa and no pain. It will wait.

Really...that long!

Has it really been that long since I posted!?! Wow. Life for the Carnahan's has been a little crazy to say the least. We celebrated Chloe's 2nd birthday, I underwent a schlew of medical tests (the results of which I'll recieve at an appointment today), the kids and I headed to Illinois to visit family for Thanksgiving, I spent a long weekend in South Beach Miami with friends, we are preparing to sell our house in February to return to "country" living, and we haven't done a lick of Christmas shopping. That's life in a nut shell. Things are going really well. I cannot believe how quickly this year has flown by...somewhere in the beginning of 2007 I said that I felt like this was going to be our year and without a doubt it has. The kids are both doing really well. This is the most stable I have felt in a long time. I suppose that has led to the lack of posts...everything seems to be coming up roses for the most part. Somebody pinch me. Kidding! I'm just relishing in the loveliness of my life...it's busy but momentarily wonderful and I'm counting my blessings. A friend shared a saying with me a few days ago that I've been rolling around since then...Love the life you live. Do I ever.

Trick-or-Treat

Happy Halloween from the Fire Ninja and Flower Fairy.




A lolli on the way to Nana's.



The loot!

Biliary dyskenisia.

Is what I have. My gallbladder is not working like it should or something and so my liver isn't processing things like it should and they are sending me to a general surgeon - I'm assuming to have it removed - who can't see me until Nov. 6. I'm going back to the doctor tomorrow in the meantime to figure out how to get through until surgery. Today is a bad day...the only solution to avoiding pain is not eating right now. Hopefully it will subside soon.

An unexpected slow down.

I haven't been feeling well for the past month now and it turns out that my gallbladder has decided it needs to take life a little easier. It's working, just slowly and I have yet to discover what that means for its future. Apparently, since turning 30, my body has decided to start acting older. Life has been just as busy as usual and I've been working hard at just trying to keep up. For this girl that goes nonstop, this slowing of the insides has been bringing me to a crawl and I'm frustrated more than anything. I'm just plain tired. It's one thing when life slows down. It's another when you slow down and life just keeps going. Unfortunately, I have pushed some of the nonessential items to the side in order to keep things going, such as posting here.

On to some updates.

Colin lost his dear Philbert a few weeks ago and we dealt with the devastation of losing something so loved. We have since aquired 2 new turtle friends who have yet to be named. We are waiting to discover whether they are male or female which won't happen until they are a little bigger. It turns out, after a discussion with the store owner who sold us the turtle, that Philbert was indeed a Phyllis.

Colin also had an appointment earlier in the month with the Craniofacial team which was very promising. The asymmetry in his face seems to have slowed. He is currently at a 7-8 degree difference, which is actually rather minimal in the whole big picture. His upper palate is still too small to accommodate his teeth and will have to be expanded. If he loses more teeth in the next 6 months, he will have the expander placed. If not, we will wait things out another year. The Singulair has been so helpful for him. No more coughing fits, although we had to fight for weeks with insurance to get them to cough up payment.

Insurance, insurance, insurance...we just recently discovered that Jeremy still has coverage with his past insurance...long ridiculous story in which the blame mostly lies in our lap but nonetheless our newest insurance has retracted all payments since January and we are now fighting to get things resubmitted and taken care of as well as removed from our credit history. Thank goodness for insurance, but it is really draining me these days.

Chloe is fantastic. She was evaluated for her speech and is average, which is a relief. My child is average. It is such a shame that we, as parents, constantly fall into the trap of comparing our children. We compare them to each other and with their cousins and others in their peer groups. It really is terrible. Colin talked late but took off as soon as he begin. I have spent the past 6 months trying to figure out what was "wrong" with her. I am now forcing myself to drop the issue. She is fine. She is better than fine. She is a sweet genious without a voice. It'll come to her. I just need to give her the space to find it. She is still as in control of this house as ever, but she makes us all laugh daily. She really is a joy.

So, minus the gallbladder and the unexpected crawl my body has forced me into, life is good.

This fall has been extraordinarily busy. I am not complaining. Life here is full and happy. The kids are doing great. Chloe started gymnastics and Colin joined the Cub Scouts and is playing tennis...so we have been on the run. School is going really well for Colin. He loves his teacher and is enthusiastic about learning, of course.

A few Saturdays ago, Chloe had a day full of first. I have been meaning to post these pictures.

Her first day at gymnastics. (Colin acted as our photographer. He did a great job!) She loved being in the class but had little desire to participate. As you can tell from the pictures, we "participated" from a distance. We began the class with songs, which included a "marching" song. Once Chloe mastered the march, she proceeded to march for the rest of the hour. I am happy to report that she has become more involved each week. :)



We then headed out for our first haircut. She is such a diva. She knew exactly what she was there for and had no issues with having it done. She loved every moment of it...such a girl.



And, finally...her first lollipop! yummy! By the time we got home, she was a beautifully sticky mess.