A Carnahan Clip: A Rare Moment

Most of the time they disagree, a lot of the time they whine, most of the time they refuse to get a long and harass each other until the ends of the earth. But every now and then, there is love and I was lucky enough to catch one of those brief and quickly fleeting moments.

A Carnahan Clip: The Sun Will Come Out TODAY!

I've decided to start sharing a moment from each week of our lives. Every Friday I hope to share another Carnahan moment with you. This week's moment is courtesy of Jax. We've spent nearly the last 2 weeks cycling a variety of illness through our home. It started last Sunday with a high fever for Jax and then we moved on to share a variety of symptoms including fevers, poos, pukes, rashes, cramps, congestion, coughs. You name it, we had it. Through it all, Jax was fairly quiet and way crabby. Although he graced us with his beautiful smile through it all, there were very few joyous sounds that passed his perfect little lips. Today, the clouds lifted and little Mr. Sunshine came out to play with his sister!!

Give thanks for your life and the people in it.

I am 20 days behind in my thanksgiving. I just can't seem to find the time to get on here and post. Here we go...

8. I am thankful for our wonderful network of doctors, although I dread each and every visit. I am thankful that their skilled eyes see things I don't. I am thankful that they are so cautious with my children and leave no stone unturned. They have caught issues early on and saved us from more difficult battles. I am thankful especially for our pediatricians who treat my children like their own and rejoice in the wonders we experience and offer sincerest understanding when appointments bring me to tears or rise anger in me. I am thankful for their weekend calls and constant guardianship.

9. I am thankful for my mother. I am thankful for the person she created in me. I am thankful for the friend she has become. She listens, she aches, she cheers, and sometimes she knows just what I need. For my mother, I am grateful. I'd be lost without her in my life. She has shown me true and unconditional love. She has shown me what support is and helped me march on many times when I was sure I couldn't or wouldn't take another step. She is my perfect mother and I am thankful for her life.

10. I am thankful for my sweet, sweet Colin. He has taught me that there is so much more to life than who you know and what you own. I am thankful for his life. I am thankful for every moment I have had with him and the many more to come. I am thankful for the wonderful young man he has become. I am thankful for the joy he brings me with his always open heart. I am thankful for every moment of joy he has brought me. I am thankful that he made me a mom. What a blessing that is. I am thankful for his life.

11. My father. I am thankful for my father. I am thankful that I was given a strong, determined man to call my dad. I am thankful for the time he carves out of his life to be a mentor to my son. I am thankful for the joys he has provided in both my life and the lives of my children. I am thankful for everything he has given me including my strong desire to succeed, to be something important, to do more and to never stop trying. I am thankful for his life.

12. I am thankful for my husband and our marriage. I know I already mentioned my thankfulness for this man, but it is worthy of secondary gratefulness. I am thankful that he has forgiven me time and time again. I am thankful that he is willing to deal with me and my insanity time and time again. I am thankful that he never fails to just listen. I am thankful that this very difficult road, which could have led us to very unhappy places, has ultimately brought us closer together. I am thankful for my husband, my best friend, the father of my children. I am thankful for his life.

13. I am thankful for my Jaxen. I am thankful for this boy who brings me only smiles. I am thankful for the moments I have shared with him and for the joy he brings our entire family. He is the icing on the cake and the cherry on top. He is proof that even when you think life can't be any fuller...it absolutely can. He is joy in its purest form. He is happiness, light, love, and laughter. I am thankful for his life.

14. I am thankful for my Sherri, my oldest sister, my confident. I am thankful that she can finish my sentences and I hers. I am thankful that she knows how I work. I am thankful that she takes what I see as my flaws and points them out to me as blessings. I am thankful that I've watched us grow closer together as we've grown into better women over the last decade. I am thankful for her life.

15. I am thankful for Natalie, my closest, dearest friend. I'm thankful that we've never argued or shared a hurtful word. I am thankful that I can rely on, cry on, and cheer with this wonderful person I call my very best friend. I am thankful that she came to me out of nowhere when I probably needed her most and has walked nearly every step of my life in the last 10 years with me via phone. I am thankful that she never gets annoyed at listening to my same woes OVER and OVER again and is able to laugh with me when laughing seems like the craziest thing to do. I am thankful for her life.

16. I am thankful for my mother-in-law. I know, you're not supposed to "LIKE" your mother-in-law, right? Well, I don't like mine, I love her. I am thankful for every single thing she has done for me and her son and her babies from the day we each entered her life. I am thankful that she never criticizes and always supports. I am thankful for her life.

17. I am thankful for the grandparents up the road who have become mine. Time and time again, they have become our biggest supporters. I can't imagine a life without them. They have taught me what it means to be giving and unconditionally loving. They have taught me what it means to have a true extended family. I am thankful for them as role models in not only my life but in the lives of my children. I am thankful for their lives.

18. I am thankful for my girl. I am thankful for my only girl. She has shown me what it means to "be yourself." I am thankful for the deep love she shares with me for her father. She loves him for all the same reasons I do and I am thankful to share that with her. I am thankful for her strength and need to be first in everything she does. I am thankful for her laughter. I am thankful for her life.

19. I am thankful for each sole who has walked down this road of 32 years with me. Although I have only mentioned those closest to me in every day here, I am thankful for each and every person who has shared this life with me. Life is not about where you have been but who was there with you, and I have been blessed with by amazing soles every step of the way. I am thankful for each and every life who has made an impression on mine. I am thankful for your lives.

20. My life is honestly nothing like I envisioned it as a young girl. My fantasies were so big, so ideal, so perfect. I am thankful for my imperfect, wonky, and sometimes very difficult life. I can also honestly say that it this is a very hard thing for me to give thanks for, because inside that little girl wishes she were living her dream and that things were big and ideal and absolutely perfect. But, I must remind myself that the imperfections that have presented themselves from the time I began to grow from a child into the woman that I am have made me this person. If things were BIG and ideal and PERFECT, I'm pretty sure I'd be boring, trite, and selfish. I am thankful for my life even though sometimes it's a very difficult life to live. I am thankful for my life.

Give thanks!

Cloth Diapers?

Check out RagaBabe Cloth Diapers. They are doing a giveaway for Black Friday! Great looking diapers!

Give thanks even when you're miserable.

Having one of those days. I have no reason to be miserable, yet I am. Not just slightly cranky but downright miserable. Today is one of those days where I find I must open my mouth with caution because, intended or not, everything that comes forth is full of contempt. I had planned to post my thanks for the last 4 days today but avoided it for the better part of the day because of my miserability. (How's that for the word of the day?!?) Then it dawned on me that there's no better day to give thanks than this one while I'm living inside of this very miserable me.

4. I am thankful for time with friends. These moments are few and far between for various reasons. The first reason being that the majority have long ago moved away and the second being my lack of time and motivation to coordinate time without my children. Sad, I know. But last night, Jeremy stayed home with the kids so that I could spend some very much needed time with friends. I am very thankful for this and yet I'm still cranky.

5. I am thankful for my children. I am thankful for my children. I am thankful for my children even when they cry, fight, scream, and yell. I am thankful for my children when they wake up at 5:30 in the morning. I am thankful for my children when they can't find a way to get along and struggle to be kind to each other. I am thankful for my children when they manage to destroy everything they touch and cry at the drop of a block. I am thankful for my children when they can't listen and are full of attitude. Despite all, I am thankful for my children because I know the moments of joy outweigh these days of struggle.

6. I am thankful for my tasks. I am thankful for the dishes, laundry, and dirty floors because they represent a house full of people to love. I am thankful for the dust that settles on my furniture at alarmingly rapid rates because it represents the beautiful dirt lane leading to the wonderfully charming house nestled in the hollow on the land we call home. I am thankful for the dogs who lead to the need to vacuum on a way too constant basis. I am thankful for my never-ending tasks because my life would be less full without the amazing creatures who trail this mess behind them.

7. I am thankful for me. Today, I am thankful for me. I am thankful for the person I've become. I am thankful for the mother that I am. I am thankful that I am kind, giving, thoughtful, loving, caring, considerate, intelligent, and creative even though today, I am miserable. I am thankful for miserable me.

Give thanks.

Give thanks.

So, I'm starting a few days late, but everyday this month I'm going to give thanks for something in my life.

1. Rest. After 10 months, Jaxen slept through the night last night. A few weeks ago, we eliminated Chloe's naps and she too is sleeping better and more soundly. I have gotten good sleep for days in a row. Today, I am thankful for rest. (Although secretly I'm missing having one or both of them in bed with me at some point in the night. shhh!)

2. Calm. I am thankful that my life has reached a point where, for the most part, it flows like a steady river. No raging rapids and no emotional rollercoasters. I'm thankful for predictable calm.

3. Jeremy. Without my wonderful husband and his dedication to me and our children, I would not have #1 and #2. I am thankful to no longer be working so that I can dedicate my time to taking care of my family fully while remaining stable, calm, and rested.

Give thanks.

Any relation?

You think these kids are related?


Chloe at around a year.


Jax at 8 months.

I saw this picture of Chloe from earlier in my blog and couldn't believe how much Jax looks like her! Too funny!

5 out of 7

Five out of seven ain't bad, if we're talking spelling tests. The Carnahan Clan just finished up a long week of doctor's visits. Three trips to Children's and 2 local appointments and we are thrilled to have a break for 10 days currently with no appointments. Previous to this week, Colin also had a checkup with orthopedics and all is well. They noticed a slight increase in the overall curvature of the spine, but nothing to write home about. We'll continue watchful waiting...back in another 6 months. Monday at the cranio-cleft clinic, all looks well for facial growth with the exception of his jaw, which continues to show a slight lag in growth. We'll return middle of the month for molds to prepare for braces. Not sure of the exact course of action yet, but we know that an expander is involved to allow room for his adult teeth to come in. A few of the adult teeth haven't come in from baby teeth that left more than a year ago. So...no fun, but normal kid complaints on that whole deal. Tuesday, he went to the regular pediatrician for a sinus infection. The good news? This is only the 2nd round of antibiotics for sinus infections in the past year. YES...YEAR! Which brings us to the pulmononologist, who we saw on Friday. Apparently, the new inhaler regimen is working in addition to being revaccinated last fall with Pneumovax. Colin is overall much healthier in general and, trust me, we've taken note. It's wonderful! Additionally, they repeated pulmonary function tests to verify that his overall lung volume was consistent with the last visit. It was. Overall, he is coming in at 79%. Normal ends right at 80%, so we'll take it. Because of his fused ribs and abnormalities that stem from the rib-to-spine junction (I'm sure there's a more technical term), he doesn't have great rib movement and therefore the lungs can't expand as fully as they might otherwise. So again, watchful waiting, if the curvature increases any, the rib maneuverability might decrease more and decrease lung volume more, which ultimately may result in pulmonary therapy to help prevent increased infections again. Fingers crossed things stay the same and we never cross the PT bridge. But, I can't express how thankful I am to finally have some of his chest pain/asthma/infection issues under better control. AND, he thinks he's running faster these days. :) Huge bonus, of course!

Jax visited the gastroenterology clinic today at Children's to see if we can't get a little better control over his reflux and the night waking. We're stopping the Zantac and moving to Prevacid twice a day rather than just once. I'm hopeful this will make things better as his tummy seems mostly to hurt only at night whereas mornings after the Prevacid are pretty good. They'd like to do a barium swallow to see how he handles food from mouth to belly, since he still prefers liquid food over solid for the most part and does a lot of choking and gagging. They've also referred him for a food therapy evaluation to see if he is on target for his age. I haven't scheduled either of those yet. Going to see how the Prevacid works and go from there. I honestly think that if his stomach were under better control, he'd be a much better eater. Who wants to eat with heartburn? Not I said the fly.

The last appointment was for me for a followup from a uterine infection...crazy, I know. No clue how that happened and if it hadn't been for my annual GYN visit, I probably wouldn't have even known. I guess that's why it's important to go every year. Not preaching, just sayin! But after 2 weeks of antibiotics, I have some energy back. YAH!! Apparently I couldn't blame my exhaustion completely on Jax's inability to stay asleep for more than 3 hours at a time.

So that's the story...horribly long week is over. I seriously need a better personal assistant. This one does a horrible job of scheduling appointments at even intervals so I'm not overwhelmed. *sigh* Good help is so very hard to find these days. Anyone looking for a job? The monetary pay sucks, but it includes lots of priceless hugs and kisses from 3 super adorable kids!!

Jaxen on the Move!

Jaxen on the move.
Originally uploaded by momofcolin_chloe

We're on the go folks. He doesn't move to fast unless he's after his train. Anytime you get it started he goes after it. Tons of fun!

Chudder and His Brudder Butter

Chloe has always had her own little language. She was slow to start with only 1 word at a year and when she did get going she started speaking her own little language that we refer to as "Chloese." She intermingles correct words improperly into everyday conversations that bring us to tears with laughter. For example, polka dots were polka nuts for a while. Once, she was very adamant that she couldn't wear her "soup (suit) into the freckles (sprinkler) with her see-saws (sandles) because they will make mustards (blisters)." Her speech has gotten better but she often reverts to Chloese. Most recently, I've been attending yogurt (yoga) class.

Jeremy and I were having a very vivid discussion that I expect most couples have every now and again. The whole wife thinks husband is not doing enough discussion when said wife is overwhelmed and breaks down. I came from a single-parent home and disagreements were not a part of my earlier years as my parents divorced when I was very young. As a result, I suck with confrontational situations. I avoid them; I don't resolve them well; they make me anxious. As a result of this, Jeremy and I have never carried on our adult discussions behind closed doors, especially in relation to household activities. I think it's crucial for our kids to see that we can "discuss," resolve, and move on all while proving that you can disagree and still love each other. That being said, we were having a "discussion," which mostly consisted of me melting down and crying about being featured on an upcoming episode of "Hoarders," while Jeremy cautiously agreed with me that we needed to do more even though he thought he was clearly doing enough...which he is. I'm just a tad psycho due to exhaustion.

To which Chloe shouts out "be nice to Chudder" and Jeremy responds "Who's Chudder?" To which I giggle "You know Chudder," pointing to Colin,


"and his other brudder, Butter," pointing to Jaxen, sending us all into a fit of laughter, except of course Chloe who is never amused by the jaunting. Poor girl. I love Chloese. I know the days are limited until it completely disappears and is replaced by well-spoken English.

What's Wrong?

First, let's discuss what's wrong with me blogging at 3:45 a.m. Many things. Insomnia seems to be the newest method by which my body likes to torture itself. So alas, after lying in bed for hours, I just give up. The first few hours come easily and then upon Jaxen's late night rendezvous, which usually begins around 1-2 a.m., I lie in bed thinking, tossing, and turning.

Tonight's thoughts revolved around a conversation I had with another mom. For the full picture, we have to flashback. Are you ready? Ten years ago, I was given this beautiful baby boy. Ten years ago I was thrilled to have him in my life. As odd as it may seem, Jeremy and I never really questioned Colin's health upon his birth. Shocking, I know. But we had been given this little man and he was ours and he was simply better than ANYTHING we had ever thought possible. He was perfect. Simply perfect. It wasn't until we started noticing small developmental issues like not holding himself upright well and eating and digestive issues that we questioned anything. Still, on more than one occasion as I walked through a store or sat waiting in line with him somewhere, another person would question me asking "what's wrong with him?" My response: "NOTHING." Simply put, he is perfect. He was perfect, he is perfect. He is Colin. Simply put. I refuse to answer that question with anything more.

So recently, Colin, after quite a long time of having his hair long, which hid the ear he has had reconstructed, decided to go short again. Mind you, the hair was not long for this purpose; he simply liked the style. Of course, the new cut inevitably put his most noticeable difference on more prominent display. I admit, I was nervous about the return to school for him. Not that the long hair kept him from having to deal with his issues, but I was sure that it helped alleviate the frequency of curiosity from the other kids. He returned home shortly after school began confirming my suspicions. "Everyone's asking me what happened to my ear," he says. "And what do you say," I ask. "Nothing." At first, I thought he meant he didn't respond to the question. To which I giggled and responded that curiosity would cause them to continue to ask, especially if he didn't respond. To which he promptly assured me, "No, I say NOTHING." To which I giggled again and responded "well, they still may continue to ask," and he asked why. I tried to equate it to another kid coming into school the next day with a broken leg being asked the same question and responding in the same manner. (I know, TERRIBLE comparison, but I'm doing my best here...it's a learning curve.) I said, "even if he said nothing, you would still be curious because, clearly, something happened, so you might continue to ask." Colin responded "no, I wouldn't. I would assume that if he said nothing he didn't want to talk about it and wouldn't ask again." Smart boy.

So, back to the conversation I had with the other mother today. At the start of boy scouts this week, the short hair brought on some similar conversations with some of the cubbies who don't attend Colin's school, and another mother shared the conversation she overheard. One of the boys asked Colin "what's wrong with your ear?" Colin's response: "What's wrong with your face?"

Okay, so I won't openly condone that retort in conversation with him. I silently cheered. Inside, I was jumping up and down and shaking my pom-poms. It's simply wrong to ask what is WRONG with a person who has a difference. Differences aren't WRONG. In anticipation of the difficult adolescent years, I have clearly not given this child the credit he deserves. I think I've been worrying about a whole lot of something that is clearly, NOTHING.

Quote of the Day

“We never know what is enough until we know what's more than enough.” Billie Holiday.

Contentment in Chaos

The Clan has exploded and in trying to catch the pieces, I've neglected my blog. Baby Jax entered the world just short of 9 months ago and the pregnancy and days and then months following have been shear chaos. I love having him in my life; I'm still adjusting to the chaos that 3 children bring to our home. Jax, of course, like Colin and Chloe has reflux. With each child, it's gotten worse and his is by far the worst. Prevacid in the morning and Zantac at night and rice in the bottles and still it persists. It's been a long, sleepless 9 months. He is the chubbiest baby I can honestly say I have EVER seen. I love every roll. Colin and Chloe are as in love with him as Jeremy and I are. It's been amazing to watch this beastly bundle of joy bring our family closer together than I ever thought possible. He is our heart and our sun and makes us all smile constantly. The times that Colin and Chloe have announced that they are so glad we have "bubba" are numerous and it overjoys my heart. I'm so thankful for him.

So...my house is a wreck, I've only dried my hair a total of 3 times in 9 months, we're all running on less sleep, and we're blissfully happy. I can honestly say through the exhaustion, I've never been happier. I think the Clan is complete.