Friday, January 21, 2011

SOLID

Once again, it's been entirely too long since I posted. I can't seem to find the time to journal anything happening in our lives. I was hopeful things would slow down after the holiday but the whirlwind continues. After watching my DVR'd episode of this week's Teen Mom 2 (I know, hush!), I found myself unable to sleep. I literally bawled through the entire episode. One of the teen moms is struggling with discovering her child has spinal issues and the episode, including her relationship with her boyfriend, was so similar to our experience that I couldn't help but feel that pain all over again. I wasn't too far past my teen years, at just past 22, when we had Colin.

It's so stark, so blinding, so devastating...to have your world turned upside down at such a young age. A brand new relationship BOOM a brand new pregnancy BOOM a brand new life BOOM a brand new home BOOM a brand new baby BOOM and CRASH somethings WRONG not just a little wrong but WAY WRONG -- and then you spiral. I remember feeling at times like Alice in Wonderland falling down the hole filled with all the crap and unable to tell which side was up. To be honest, I still have days like that. I have never in my life felt so alone as I did the day we discovered something was way wrong. Standing in the middle of the living room, all I heard was "vertebral anomalies and spinal cord compromise" and dropped to the floor. I didn't even ask any questions...stunned. I listened to the instructions for picking up his chart and hung up the phone with only "okay" for a response. I sat there FOREVER in the middle of the floor in a shocked heap, energy zapped.

There is no way to prepare for that moment but at 22 I was beyond unprepared. My whole world had been turned upside down but through my pregnancy I was certain of one thing, I was going to be a mother to a healthy baby. I never questioned his health, not once. CRASH You can't prepare for that.

As I lay there beside Jeremy crying tonight, I have never been so thankful. Our journey together has been a very bumpy, difficult, and trying one, but we are a solid, uniform, strong, and able structure now. Just like the episode said, we are the strongest people our children know. In their eyes, we can conquer anything life hands us. It has taken work and dedication to each other. We have grown together as we grew up together. Life threw us together with the loudest BOOM possible and CRASH, we fell, but we picked each other up, time and time again, and are now carrying above us 3 amazing lives in strong, supportive arms. SOLID, we are SOLID. The strongest people they know.

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