Revisiting Holland.

Hate to go back to the terribly depressing blog from last week (10/19.06: Welcome to Holland) but I realized today that the newsletter I got didn't include the ending, so I am going to post that here, but I also wanted to revisit the whole thing in the light of a brighter week.

After re-reading my post, I had to chuckle, not that any of it is funny...just at my sudden boldness. Nothing like going from nothing to all at once! So sorry everyone! But, I guess that's how it is. Good days, bad days. Good weeks, bad weeks. On most days, the emotions are in check and then there are some days where I get so out of whack that I feel overwhelmed and out of control. I guess you got that though!

So, now that things have calmed a bit, I wanted to add some more insight to that post. After reading that essay again and again, I have sorted my thoughts out a bit. I do feel that way, raising Colin, of course has a lot of difficult things I never expected as a mother. But, it is also filled with so many amazing things I couldn't have predicted.

Raising Colin has taught me so much about life, about me, about my husband, about who friends are, about what's important, about my faith. He is amazing. I know all parents say that about their kids, but he truly is. There is something so special about him. They way he cares, the way he looks at the world, the way he loves. It is so genuine. So clear. So open. I know that there are great things in store for this boy. He is going to make a mark. Change the world. I have no doubt about that. He is going to take Italy by storm. I can't wait! (And I'll be the proud mama in the background shouting "He is MY son!"

Welcome to Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy!"

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you never would have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around...and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills...and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned.


And here's the part I didn't have:

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

by Emily Perl Kingsley

But, today, it doesn't matter. What I've come to realize is that although I may be living in Holland...Colin is on his way to Italy. And we all are blessed enough to get to be a part of his journey!!